Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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