You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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