i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize