Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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