So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
