hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
