i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
