I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
