She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
