He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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