farters have to be the big spoon...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
