the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
