Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
