I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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