Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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