Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
