ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
