This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
