dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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