I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize