I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
