if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
