For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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