they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
