i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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