You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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