either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize