It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
