My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
