i barfeds in our rink
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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