I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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