I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This gyro tastes like lonliness
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fill condoms, not promises.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
