Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize