I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
