We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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