WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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