I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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