I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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