she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
