He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
