Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
