no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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