If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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