Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
