Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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