After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The struggles of a small town man whore
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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