im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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