Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
