what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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