im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
