Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
