Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
