I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its not stalking. its research.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
