I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
