My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize