It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize