there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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