I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
