please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
