Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
