I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We left an ass print on the piano.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
