after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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