Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
