I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
