She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
