the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
