So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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