Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
