Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
