Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
