Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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