batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
babies were throwing up all over the place
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
