we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
