Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
