I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
