why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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