Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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