I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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