I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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