I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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