There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
