You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
