Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
